is what bwings us togethew today.
(If you can't name that classic movie I want nothing to do with you. Be off!)
Several days ago I heard an interesting statement that I instantly rejected as factual, crossed my arms across my chest and "harumphed" at.
The statement was this: Intense romantic love only lasts for roughly 18 months.
At the risk of sounding uncouth or childish let me just say, "poppycock!"
I don't agree.
I'm not saying that I get that butterfly feeling in my stomach every time my husband walks into a room like in times past, but "intense romantic love?"
I still have plenty of that.
Imagine my surprise when I found an article online verifying my beliefs.
(Yes, I know I can't believe everything I read online, but I'm not testing a scientific hypothesis so we'll just assume it's fact.)
The article discussed how a team of researchers scanned the brains of 17 people who claimed to be wild about their longtime spouses as they looked at a photograph of their sweetheart. Most were in their 50s and married an average of 21 years.
The results?
The brains of these middle-aged men and women showed much the same activity as those of young lovers, individuals who had been intensely in love an average of only seven months.
The only difference?
In the older lovers (she said lovers, teehee), brain regions associated with anxiety were no longer active; instead, there was activity in the areas associated with calmness.
The article then went on to discuss how happy marriages are based on good communication, shared values, a sturdy support system of friends and relatives, happy, stable childhoods, fair quarrelling, and dogged determination.
I definitely have the dogged determination. Matt would agree.
(Or he will when I'm finished having a "fair quarrell" with him.)
But the researchers found no particular combination of personality traits that leads to sustained romance—with one exception: the ability to sustain your "positive illusions."
Simply put: Having the ability to overlook flaws and still view your mate as you did when you had the butterfly feeling.
I'm not sure if we've been happily married for 15 years because of the "dogged determination" or the ability to overlook each other's many flaws or a combination of both, but I do know this:
We haven't seen our wedding video in 15 years (we lost it in the mother-in-law's house fire) and I've looked everywhere for another copy with no success.
We were at a friend's house this weekend. She casually brought up that she had recently been given our wedding video on tape.
I expressed excitement at her finding it so I could see it someday and explained the loss of my copy in the fire.
It happened to be found that very evening.
We sat down with six of our close friends (and our children) and watched it.
I was jittery the whole time and had butterflies of nerves or excitement or both,
and Matt got "emotional".
And I was happy.
So whatever we're doing seems to be working at the moment and that's all the scientific proof I need that I'm in an "intense romantic relationship" and have been for more than 18 months.
The end.
B
You can see the rest of this session here under "Hinkle Family".
5 comments:
:) Oh you guys! So much <3, so much time.
You are so cute! And I completely agree. We've had that "intense romantic relationship" for over 21 years! And, I too, would love to be able to see my wedding video again.
Thank you for confirming what I've been saying for awhile! If done right it only gets better, and means more today than it did almost 16 years ago. As for the wedding video I'm glad you got to see yours, and whoever has mine would you let me see it:)
agree with wsmil...back in the days of yore...we had audio only of our talk....would the brother who took it w/out permission and sent it to his brother in germany who then lost it ...you get it..lovely pics...love the laughter shots.....
Adele says it best "you and I have history", which makes everything better.
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