Matt and I were living in the first home that we "owned".
We had been married for one year and just moved out of the house we were renting.
We were almost 20.
We were shopping for new health insurance and had invited a salesman over whom we were referred to by friends.
It was later in the evening when he arrived and we sat at the kitchen table to discuss what he had to offer.
As a good salesman, which he was, he was very boisterous in his talk about insurance.
The problem was that while he talked boisterously to us, explaining in-patient cost versus out-patient and blah, blah, blah, his boisterous speaking wafted over us.
You see, his breath was AWFUL.
Matt and I had only been married a year but we could already send and receive silent signals to each other.
This is the conversation we had between one another while Mr. Insurance was there...and we did it without opening our mouths:
Matt: (raising both eyes very large) Oh my god!
Me: (raising one eyebrow and wrinkling my forehead) What is that smell?
Matt: (wrinkling his nose and shifting his eyes towards Mr. Insurance) Something is rotten in his mouth.
Me: (raising my eyebrows) Maybe he doesn't have insurance!
Matt: (puffing up his cheeks) Gack! I'm going to hurl.
Me: (wrinkling my brows) Just buy the insurance and get him out of here!
We finished our business with Mr. Insurance and he packed up his bag and left, probably surprised that he sold a policy to two punk kids on a Friday evening.
Matt and I went to bed laughing about the poor insurance salesman and his halitosis.
The next morning after Matt left for work I was sweeping the floor in the kitchen and my nostrils caught the scent of something vaguely familiar.
Dear heavens to Betsy! Mr. Halitosis Insurance Salesman has broken into the house and was hiding in my pantry!
Um. No.
Turns out that one of the potatoes in my potato bin which was coincidentally sitting by the kitchen table had rotted horribly.
The stench was awful.
Did I throw the offending potato out promptly?
Of course not.
I saved it. Then when Matt got home I shoved it under his nose and said, "What does this smell like?"
Though we both thought it was hilarious, so much so that I still laugh about it 15 years later, I can't help but imagine what Mr. Insurance must have been thinking about us the whole time.
If you're out there Mr. Insurance, please understand that I'm not an awful housekeeper.
Rotten potatoes can happen to anybody.
And I'm happy that you don't have halitosis.
B
You can see the rest of this session here under "Colby A".
Did I throw the offending potato out promptly?
Of course not.
I saved it. Then when Matt got home I shoved it under his nose and said, "What does this smell like?"
Though we both thought it was hilarious, so much so that I still laugh about it 15 years later, I can't help but imagine what Mr. Insurance must have been thinking about us the whole time.
If you're out there Mr. Insurance, please understand that I'm not an awful housekeeper.
Rotten potatoes can happen to anybody.
And I'm happy that you don't have halitosis.
B
You can see the rest of this session here under "Colby A".
2 comments:
HAHA That was so funny! Poor Mr. Insurance man!
MAP
This made me giggle loudly! Amy S.
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