Matt and I recently went to Outback Steakhouse as a treat.
He had a beer at the end of our meal, so on the way to the truck I grabbed the keys.
He made a mock scene about "being fine" and teasingly tried to pull the keys away from me.
We started laughing.
And it all went downhill quickly from there.
I only hope I can explain how hilarious it was.
Matt was mumbling all the way to the car about how stuffed he was and how he thought he may explode.
I hopped into the driver's seat and started the truck.
Matt opened the passenger door, slung his leg up into the truck, grunted and stepped back out.
I started giggling.
He laughed, grabbed his stomach and said "I'm so bloated."
He then removed his wallet and his phone from his pocket which he then proclaimed would loosen up his pants so he could heave himself into the truck.
But then he started laughing.
So that didn't help.
And he almost fell out of the truck.
He finally got in and I pulled out of the parking lot.
We were headed to Target (which was just around the corner from the restaurant) to buy a chair.
On the way there I hit a speed bump.
Matt groaned and clutched his stomach while hanging on the to the handle above his head.
(It should be noted that we shared a plate so this was far from gluttony on his part.)
I yelled, "Oh my gosh! It's like I'm driving around a pregnant lady!"
He said, "I feel like pregnant lady!"
And everything would have been fine at this point except that he started laughing.
Like really laughing.
And nothing makes me laugh harder than when Matt laughs because he's not typically one who laughs.
So he begins to laugh uncontrollably and then I begin to laugh uncontrollably, except I'm trying to drive a vehicle through a busy Target parking lot.
So I sort of stop in the middle of an aisle because through my blurry vision I think I see some shapes that resemble people walking to a car and Matt starts yelling through gasps of laughter, "Don't hit the people! Don't hit the people!"
He's laughing and moaning while clutching his stomach and I'm laughing while trying to drive and avoid hitting pedestrians and also trying to avoid peeing my pants.
I finally roll into a spot at the end of the parking lot in a sort of jagged way taking up two parking spots (possibly three) to avoid hitting anyone who may have been in my path.
I'm reaching for tissues while punching Matt in the shoulder demanding that he stop because I'm going to wet my pants and then we won't be able to go in Target and he's still clutching his bloated stomach and laughing in this high pitched girly laugh that is just making it worse.
And then he got a nosebleed.
So if you were an innocent Target shopper strolling by our vehicle that night you would have thought that we were fighting (as I'm punching Matt in the arm) and that I was crying uncontrollably (as I was wiping my eyes) and I managed to throw a right awesome punch to the nose (as Matt is wiping blood from his face).
In fact, there my be a blog out there right now that chronicles this whole debacle from another Target patron's point of view. If you find it please send it my way. Thank you.
We finally gained our composure, I parked the truck in an actual parking spot without hitting any pedestrians, Matt finished wiping blood off his face, I wiped the mascara out from under my eyes, we straightened up, adjusted our clothes and walked into the store like civilized people.
And that is why we don't go out often.
B
You can see the rest of this session here under "Carrie Lamb".
3 comments:
It is great to see that with each year the love grows more and more.
Plus who but you could make a rusted out truck look good. Love those!
Awesome pics!! Her eyes are AMAZE-BALLS!!! LOL We should all laugh like that at least once a week. It's just good for the soul. Nothing builds quite the bond that laughter does!! I'm glad you can share that with your husband. I think that NOT having that with a spouse is the downfall of marriage. Thanks for sharing!!!
Tammy is correct NOT creating that with your spouse is the downfall of many a marriage. Beautiful girl.
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